School started on Wednesday of this week, and I was doing the happy dance as my kids drifted out the front door. Granted, it was 6:00 a.m. at the time, as the older one has a zero hour class. Yes, you heard me right; ZERO HOUR, as in the class that happens prior to first period.
In order to cram as much learning as possible into one day, the first class at our high school starts at 6:30 a.m. The official start time for school is actually 7:25, which is when first period starts. (I think…I can’t actually tell you the exact time school starts). But there are some classes that our school district doesn’t know what to do with, so they hold them BEFORE school instead of after.
For example, at our high school AP Physics is offered only at 6:30 a.m. Can you believe that? I doubt Einstein even had his first brain synapsis of the day before eight. Yet we expect our kids to explain why when two trains leave a station in Chicago at the same time, one of them lands on the moon while Taylor Swift has Big Foot’s baby, relative to the speed of light in relationship to the gravitational pull of the planet Mars in the age of Aquarius. All before dawn.
For my son, his zero hour class is Varsity Jazz Band, so I guarantee he won’t be dropping that class any time soon. That means he has to get up at 5:00 a.m. to be able to leave the house by 6:00 a.m. to be in his seat and ready to blow his horn at 6:30 a.m. I’m surprised his eyes are open wide enough at that hour to even read music, let alone muster up the lung capacity to make a non-offensive sound come out of that horn.
Day One of School
There’s only one kid in the picture (Derrick) because Kid #2 (Quinn) did not get into Varsity Jazz Band this year, and there’s no way he’ll sign up for anything else that commences at that ungodly hour. Being in 9th grade, he’s in JV Jazz Band, which is the LAST class of the day. (Woo-hoo for Quinn.)
Day Two of School
On the second day of school. I got up at about 5:45, which is right before my son leaves the house (thank God he drives himself). It was just enough time to say good-bye and pretend like I wanted to make sure he had everything. (He did. And would’ve even if I hadn’t asked.) He left, and I went back to bed until 6:35 a.m. when what’s-his-name, um…Kid #2 gets up.
Day Three…
Okay, today I didn’t bother to get up until almost 7:00. No sign of Derrick. I checked the garage and his car was gone. I’m going assume he went to school until I hear otherwise.
Quinn was up and had had his breakfast. To show solidarity I made him a lunch and drove him to school (even though he could walk). But I did so in my pajamas and slippers. As I dropped him off, I noticed another mom (also in a Subaru Outback) pop the trunk of her car so her son could get his trombone out. From her closed driver-side door I noticed a piece of her bathrobe poking out of the car. I thought about telling her, but then decided to check my own bathrobe to see if it was also waving to everyone in traffic.
It was.
Only 177 more days until school gets out. It’s going to be a long, exhausting year.
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Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.
For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.