This’ll teach me to clean out my inbox more often. I just read an email dated last Thursday that I was approved to be listed on the Top Mommy Blogs website. True, it’s something I applied for, but that was over a week ago, and quite honestly, I can’t remember if I put on underwear this morning, let alone which websites I recently visited and why. Those brains cells were immediately taken over by conundrums such as “What’ll I make for dinner tonight?” and “Did I remember to pick up my 8th grader from his clarinet lesson?” (Why they don’t allow 8th graders to drive in this state is beyond me. That would make my life so much easier if he could just cart his little rear end around on his own. Being he’s the second child I’m quite over that “Oh no! He’s sharing the road with other mental giants who scored 70% or higher on a government test that even sleep-deprived, drunk monkeys could pass!”)
Getting a listing on the Top Mommy Blogs website is pretty cool, because now I can win fabulous prizes like a trip to the Galapagos Islands for the Endangered Sea Turtle Rodeo or a canary yellow 1979 AMC Pacer, complete with eight-track tape player that belts out “I Love the Night Life, I Love to Boogie” on a continuous loop.
Oh wait, what? I don’t win anything for being listed on the Top Mommy Blogs website? Well, then will someone please refresh my memory as to why I bothered to fill out more online forms than a middle-aged woman coming in for a routine mammogram just for the privilege of being listed on their website?
Hang on…it’s coming to me. Oh yes…now I remember. Every time you read one of my posts, if you click on the Top Mommy Blogs banner (in my sidebar OR at the end of each of my posts), then I receive one vote on the Top Mommy Blogs website. After so many votes my search engine ranking improves and more people on the Web will be able find me. And if more people find me, then hopefully more people will buy my book. And if more people buy my book, then I’ll be able to continue to eat on a regular basis.
Also, if my ranking goes up, I might (if I’m lucky) become a featured blogger on the Top Mommy Blogs website. I don’t think I get anything special for that either, except bragging rights to my kids, who would prefer I get a regular job like other moms, and stop spewing my neuroses all over the world stage like that crazy woman who babbles on the bus to no one in particular. (By the way, I’ve tried that. It’s not as lucrative.)
You can vote for me everyday, but only once in a 24-hour period. That means if you’re bored at work and you’re looking for new and fun things to do, you can go to my blog everyday and click on the Top Mommy Blogs banner in my sidebar, even if I don’t have a new blog for you to read. When you click, you’ll be taken to the Top Mommy Blogs website, and if you don’t want to hang out there just leave. Your vote is counted once you click the banner. And don’t worry you’re not put on some weird email list where you’re spammed every time Google sneezes (if Google had a nose, that is).
Thank you in advance for indulging me. You’ll find the Top Mommy Blogs banner at the end of each of my posts from now on. If you have an inkling to click it, great! If not, that’s fine, too. All that matters is that we continue to get together occasionally and keep up with this witty repartee we’ve established.
But in the mean time, I need to remember what I filled out in order to win that AMC Pacer. I recall it had something to do with breeding orchids…or was it arachnids? I’ve never bred either one, but I applied for whatever it was anyway, because I can only imagine how cool I’d look driving around town in that Pacer. Just ask my kids.
Did you like this post? If so, please click on the banner below to vote for me as a Top Mommy Blogger on TopMommyBlogger.com. I don’t win anything except a higher search engine ranking, plus bragging rights to my kids that I’m not as dorky as they think. (Okay, well maybe I am that dorky, but at least I’ll be easier to find on the Web.)
Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.
For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.