As a mom I’ve often had to stop for frequent bathroom breaks on long family car trips…usually because of me. Having two sons it’s always irked me that if they have to go to the bathroom after we’ve embarked on that long ribbon of highway, all we have to do is pull off at the next overpass, find a (sort of) remote spot in some bushes and they’re good to go. Literally.
But for me (and most women) it’s trickier than that. Which is why I got a little excited when my brother, Coulter, sent me an article from the NY Daily News entitled Female Mushers Test Out Pee Pants During Alaska’s Iditarod Dog Sled Race. More than merely adult diapers for those of us who can’t just whip it out when nature calls, Pee Pants actually have a funnel connected to a tube that collects the waste and ferries it down to a baggie in your boot. That way one does not have to sit in wet pants until a proper changing can take place.
I won’t go into all the details, because you can just read the article, but I will point out that Pee Pants were originally designed for flight nurses who couldn’t leave their patients during long trips. Then someone at Pee Pants head quarters got the bright idea that they could also be used in the Iditarod and at tailgate parties for those who want to drink themselves into a stupor, but not have to bother with bathroom breaks in the process (no lie on the latter).
Pee Pants Flood New Markets
But then I got to thinking, why stop there? Why should flying Florence Nightingales, female mushers, and drunken Neanderthals in stadium parking lots be the only ones who get to partake in the benefits of an endless bladder? You know how many times I’ve been at the wrong end of Costco with a cart full of melting meat and a couple of cranky kids when all of sudden my back teeth started to float from not being able to relieve myself? Where the hell were those Pee Pants then?
And what about when I’m waiting in line at the DMV, which is a horror movie in and of itself, regardless of the current state of my urinary tract. No one holds your place in line at the DMV if you have to step out to use the potty. It’s every loser for himself. If you happened to be unfortunate enough to be in line at the DMV when you need to unburden yourself of those three lattes you had before noon, then it’s your own fault for having a license that was due to expire soon. Recently I sure could’ve used a pair of Pee Pants about 90 minutes into my latest incarceration at the DMV.
Expecting Pee Pants
And don’t even get me started on my pregnancies. The second I got pregnant, before I began to show, or even knew I was pregnant, all someone had to do was talk about their surfing trip to Oahu and I was headed straight for the bathroom. I remember once, in my third trimester, reading a romance novel about a couple stranded on a desert island, and the Fabio-ish hunk-alicious man character “grabbed his woman, her slender bronzed body glistening in the sun, and made passionate love to her under a roaring waterfall cascading over the rocks like a…” Oh, damn it! I have to pee again.
I would’ve strapped on those Pee Pants the minute I conceived and kept them on for the long haul. Hopefully, they would’ve come in multiple colors and styles. Cuz, you know, it’s always nice to add a little bling to your incontinence.
So dear Pee Pants people, if you really want to bust a move (so to speak) into a bigger market, consider catering to busy moms. We may not be as cool as Iditarod mushers and tailgater partiers, but then again we don’t have to glide across the tundra or drink a 12-pack of beer to appreciate your product. For us, getting stuck in traffic during carpool is all it takes.
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Stacy Dymalski is the host of the hilarious TV talk show “Mother Bloggers” on FirstRun.tv. She’s also an award winning keynote speaker and stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.
For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in bookstores and on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.