The Theme of the Day

Well, as you can tell, I’ve settled on a new blog theme…for now. I’ve been trying it out for a week, but to be perfectly honest there are things about this theme I’d still like to modify. However, it involves changing CSS style sheets and quite frankly I don’t have time to change my bed sheets. So I guess I’m going to live with this theme until I can figure out how to cram 36 hours into a day by altering the space-time continuum. (Let me add that of my to-do list.)

I find a meat thermometer helps determine my level of neurosis for the day

When it comes to improvements, whether it’s to my house, my wardrobe, my blog, or my twisted personality, I’m about as fickle as the weather. That’s because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. So finding the right look for my blog will be a never-ending work-in-progress, kind of like obsessing over my weight…or my career…or my marriage. Which is why I really appreciate all your comments last week on blogs themes. Obviously, social media is great for building relationships where you can ask for help, however you know we’ve arrived at that awkward BFF status when I start writing blogs that confuse you with Dr. Laura.

“Hi All! Just wondering…should I send my husband to a rehabilitation camp for men who refuse to put the toilet seat down or just kill him now and be done with it? Please let me know by Monday, otherwise at this rate dear hubby might be resting peacefully in the old satin-lined, brass-handled sedan by Tuesday.”

That got me thinking. (No, not about killing my husband. That’s just silly. I mean, come on, who’s going to take the trash out or rid the yard of dog poop if he’s not around?) Now that we’re all so chummy, what other personal issues could I blog about to get your free advice? All the blogging books say you should end your blogs with a “call to action” to encourage comments, right? I figure if you’re going to take the time to weigh in anyway, you might as well answer some burning questions that have been keeping me up at night. After all, I don’t want to waste my time or yours.

So buckle up, dear readers, because I’ve decided we’ve come to that point in our collective relationship where I could hit you with personal topics that would make a priest squirm. Just to give you the heads up, if I were to go down this path, I’m thinking it might be appropriate to use my blog to ask you some of these little ditties:

  1. How long should I ignore that weird growth on my left lower flank? It’s only the size of a golf ball. Is “tennis ball” now the official red flag accepted by the American Medical Association (as well as BlueCross) when it comes to dealing with a mysterious mass?
  2. Should I keep “hush-hush” about that blood-covered sack of cash I found while on my morning hike in the woods?
  3. The waiter made me an offer I couldn’t refuse
  4. I received a coupon in the mail for some discount plastic surgery at the place where I have my nails done. I’ve always wanted to have my thighs sucked. Thoughts?
  5. How long before termites go away on their own?
  6. Is it really that big of a deal when the oil light in your car goes on? Mine’s been frantically flashing like a mirror ball at Studio 54 for two weeks and nothing’s happened.
  7. I found condoms in my husband’s underwear drawer but we haven’t had sex in two years. Should I be worried?
  8. I’ve been thinking of borrowing money for my kids’ college fund from a waiter/loan officer I met in an Italian restaurant. Anybody ever heard of The Corleone Savings and Loan out of New Jersey?
  9. My dog started foaming at the mouth and is becoming increasingly irritable. Should I continue to let him sleep with the kids?

I could ask you about all those things in a blog post, but in the interest of good taste and wanting to keep you as my friends…I won’t.


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Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.

For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on